The Gift of Regulation: A Family Therapy Guide to Emotional Well-being

The Gift of Regulation: Helping Your Child Emotionally Regulate

By Ashley Root, MA, LPCC

Part II: Regulating Your Child

This is the next installment of the blog series on using Dr. Bruce Perry’s 3R’s to help you guide your child toward emotional well-being and regulation. So, you have done the hard work of regulating yourself. Now it’s time to move on to the task at hand, co-regulating with your child. 

REGULATE

We must help the child to regulate and calm their fight/flight/freeze response. 

  • Use Verbal Validation: Acknowledge the child's feelings and emotions. Let them know you understand how they're feeling. For example, "I can see that you're really upset right now. Let’s find a way to calm down together."

Deep Breathing: Encourage deep breathing exercises to help the child regain control of their emotions. You can do this together by inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly. There are many creative ways to make this accessible for younger children. 

  • Have your child pretend your finger is a candle and they are trying to move the flame without blowing it out.

  • Have your child do five finger breathing. Trace each finger with the index finger of the opposite hand. Each time they trace up a finger they inhale, and each time they trace down a finger they exhale. 

  • Have your child pretend their belly is a balloon. Inhaling to inflate the balloon, and slowly exhaling to deflate the balloon. 

Practice Mindfulness: Guide the child through simple mindfulness exercises, such as focusing on their breath or paying attention to their senses.

  • Try 5-4-3-2-1. Have your child identify 5 things they can see, 4 things they can hear, 3 things they can feel, 2 things they can smell, and 1 thing they can taste. 

  • Try a Safe Place Meditation. Have your child imagine a safe place in their mind. Have them notice what they see, hear, feel, small, and taste there. Take deep breaths between each sense. 

Provide Comfort Items: Offer a favorite stuffed animal, blanket, or other comfort items that the child associates with positive feelings.

  • Try having the stuffie model taking deep breaths or doing mindful practices with the child

  • Use fidgets and sensory tools together like pop-itz, stress balls, spinners, squishies, pipe cleaners, ribbons or tangles. 

  • Try wrapping a blanket tightly around your child for safety and sensory pressure. 

In times of uncertainty and challenging moments, remember that you don't have to navigate the journey of parenting alone. We are here to offer the guidance and support you and your child need to build a foundation of emotional well-being and regulation. Our experienced counselors are dedicated to helping you navigate the complexities of parenthood, providing practical tools and strategies tailored to your unique situation.

Reach out to us at admin@wallscounselingcolorado.com or give us a call at (719) 362-0558, and let's work together to empower your child with the gift of emotional regulation for a brighter and more resilient future.

Resources:

Beacon House. (n.d.). The Three R’s:Reaching The Learning Brain. beaconhouse.org.uk. https://beaconhouse.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/The-Three-Rs.pdf

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The Gift of Regulation: Helping Children Emotionally Regulate through Relating and Reasoning

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The Gift of Regulation: Regulating Yourself: The First Step in Helping Your Child Manage Emotions