The Gift of Regulation: Regulating Yourself: The First Step in Helping Your Child Manage Emotions
The Gift of Regulation: Helping Your Child Emotionally Regulate
By Ashley Root, MA, LPCC
Part I: Regulating Yourself
My child is melting down, I don’t have time for this, I’m so overwhelmed, WHAT DO I DO? Navigating our own emotions, let alone the emotions of our children, can feel like holding a quickly melting ice cream cone that is turning into an unmanageable, sticky mess by the second. As parents, we play a pivotal role in shaping our children's ability to understand and manage their emotions. And yet, as you well know, doing so when you too are emotionally escalated seems impossible. That’s because it kind of is. Dr. Daniel Siegal offers a helpful visual of this process with his hand model of the brain. Learn more about his hand model of the brain here.
Emotion regulation, the psychological processes and strategies individuals use to manage, modulate, and control their emotions, is a gift we give to our children. It is a skill we as humans learn through observation, modeling, and practice. It is vital to regulate our own emotions as adults before attempting to regulate our dysregulated child.
Say this out loud: A DYSREGULATED ADULT CANNOT REGULATE A DYSREGULATED CHILD. Trying to help a dysregulated child while you too are dysregulated is hopping on a train to destination escalation. The ability to calmly hold space for your child’s big emotions and model regulation is called co-regulation.
Dr. Bruce Perry’s Three R's - Regulate, Relate, Reason - offer a comprehensive approach to guiding our children toward emotional well-being and regulation. We will explore how these three dimensions can be tailored to help parents support their children's regulation over the next couple of weeks, so stay tuned.
First things first, take a deep breath and get honest with yourself.
Are you the most regulated adult in the room? No judgment, only observation. The most regulated adult in the room, with a relationship with your child, should respond to your child.
Are you the only adult in the room? Breathe deep. Remind yourself that your child is not doing this TO you. Take a step away for a moment if possible.
In times of uncertainty and challenging moments, remember that you don't have to navigate the journey of parenting alone. We are here to offer the guidance and support you and your child need to build a foundation of emotional well-being and regulation. Our experienced counselors are dedicated to helping you navigate the complexities of parenthood, providing practical tools and strategies tailored to your unique situation.
Reach out to us at admin@wallscounselingcolorado.com or give us a call at (719) 362-0558, and let's work together to empower your child with the gift of emotional regulation for a brighter and more resilient future.
Resources
Beacon House. (n.d.). The Three R’s:Reaching The Learning Brain. beaconhouse.org.uk. https://beaconhouse.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/The-Three-Rs.pdf